VaYeshev – Changing Partners, Doe-See-Doe

We have seen the “oops-I-had-sex-with-the-wrong-person” motif several times before, and now we get it again with Judah and Tamar (Genesis 38).

I am very Perplexed by this motif’s recurrence, and I do not believe that Maimonedes famed “Guide for the Perplexed” covers this Particular Perplexity.

Thus, I offer my own ‘Top Ten’ Guide for the Perplexed, answering the question: Why do Biblical characters constantly have sex with the wrong person?:

1. They were very promiscuous and needed a cover story.

2. They wore a special eye covering during sex.

3. They only had sex in total darkness and without speaking at all.

4. These stories are a metaphor for the confusing nature of life

5. They had very, very poor eyesight.

6. These stories are a metaphor for how alone we are in this world, even at our most intimate moment.

7. They were very bad at remembering names and faces.

8. These stories were written by their children, who can never picture their parents having sex.

9. They had too much sand in their eyes.

10.They only had sex in the missionary position.

:)