In the parsha of Hayyei Sarah, Abraham experiences the death of his beloved Sarah. Perhaps sensing his own mortality, Abraham focuses on finding a suitable spouse for his son, Isaac. When Abraham charges his servant with finding a wife for Isaac, he insists upon two things:
1.) That the prospective bride not be a daughter of the Canaanites but rather from the land of Abraham’s birth.
2.) That Isaac is NOT brought back to Abraham’s native land. Abraham actually repeats this order twice (Gen 24:6 and Gen 24:8).
When I look at these two criteria for finding an acceptable mate to help fulfill the “divine promise” from G-d to our ancestors (and to modern day Jews), I can reflect on my own personal experiences and appreciate the wisdom in these guidelines.
When I married my husband, he was a non-practicing Methodist. Before our wedding, we agreed that our household would not only be Jewish, but we would practice a conservative form of Judaism by keeping kosher and observing Shabbat. We decided not to blend our religions. There would be no Christmas tree or Hanukkah bush in December. And most importantly, we would raise our children in the Jewish faith. I was blessed to have such an accommodating spouse who not only supported my religion, but actively participated in daily, weekly and yearly traditions and customs. After many years of living as a Jew, my husband found his own way to the Torah and decided to convert as a conservative Jew.
.
1.) That the prospective bride not be a daughter of the Canaanites but rather from the land of Abraham’s birth.
2.) That Isaac is NOT brought back to Abraham’s native land. Abraham actually repeats this order twice (Gen 24:6 and Gen 24:8).
When I look at these two criteria for finding an acceptable mate to help fulfill the “divine promise” from G-d to our ancestors (and to modern day Jews), I can reflect on my own personal experiences and appreciate the wisdom in these guidelines.
When I married my husband, he was a non-practicing Methodist. Before our wedding, we agreed that our household would not only be Jewish, but we would practice a conservative form of Judaism by keeping kosher and observing Shabbat. We decided not to blend our religions. There would be no Christmas tree or Hanukkah bush in December. And most importantly, we would raise our children in the Jewish faith. I was blessed to have such an accommodating spouse who not only supported my religion, but actively participated in daily, weekly and yearly traditions and customs. After many years of living as a Jew, my husband found his own way to the Torah and decided to convert as a conservative Jew.
.
So why do I relate with Abraham’s first criteria for what he believes makes an acceptable spouse among all the people of the land? I married a non-Jew and it turned out well for me, right? I can relate because the “learning curve” for a shaygetz (non-jewish man - the female version would be a shiksa) is VERY great. Judaism is not just a religion that you practice once a week in temple. It is a way of life. Jewish customs, traditions and commandments are infused into your everyday life...even into your most basic daily routines like eating (especially when you are kosher).
How much easier would married life have been if one person wasn’t constantly being “schooled” or instructed in the "why" and "how" of the way to do things? How much more enriching would it have been to bring shared experiences and traditions from our past into our new family together? How much less stressful would the month of December be when visiting in-laws!?!
Abraham’s second criteria for ensuring the continuation of his convenant seems to emphasize the importance of remaining with your tribe to share in its customs, traditions and morals. Living apart from “the fold” seems to leave one open to the influences of non-Jewish neighbors. I can attest to this firsthand. Last year our family relocated from a diverse community in Southern California, where four temples and three Chabad centers are found within a 20 mile radius, to Canton, IL where the nearest synagogue is 45 minutes away. My children are literally the only Jews in their school. We cannot participate in many temple functions because the distance is too great to overcome on a workday. We have no local friends who we can invite over to enjoy a Shabbat meal. Our family in Canton is Methodist and do not observe or celebrate our Jewish holidays. I struggle daily to maintain my Jewish identity.
Therefore, making a concerted effort to be involved in our temple and Jewish community is a top priority. Being with a community of Jews allows my family to share a spiritual connection that nurtures the soul. Our Jewish community provides our children with an enriching Jewish education and prepares them for their role as Jewish adults in the future (Thanks, Chuck!).
My Jewish community allows me to interact with people who share the same interests and values. My synagogue is truly a lifeline, saving me (and my children) from isolation and assimilation.
Through my own personal struggles to preserve my faith, I can understand Abraham’s criteria for determining a suitable way to carry on the traditions of Judaism. It seems that the Torah also emphasizes these criteria... because Abraham’s specific instructions to his servant are the last words we ever hear our patriarch speak.
How much easier would married life have been if one person wasn’t constantly being “schooled” or instructed in the "why" and "how" of the way to do things? How much more enriching would it have been to bring shared experiences and traditions from our past into our new family together? How much less stressful would the month of December be when visiting in-laws!?!
Abraham’s second criteria for ensuring the continuation of his convenant seems to emphasize the importance of remaining with your tribe to share in its customs, traditions and morals. Living apart from “the fold” seems to leave one open to the influences of non-Jewish neighbors. I can attest to this firsthand. Last year our family relocated from a diverse community in Southern California, where four temples and three Chabad centers are found within a 20 mile radius, to Canton, IL where the nearest synagogue is 45 minutes away. My children are literally the only Jews in their school. We cannot participate in many temple functions because the distance is too great to overcome on a workday. We have no local friends who we can invite over to enjoy a Shabbat meal. Our family in Canton is Methodist and do not observe or celebrate our Jewish holidays. I struggle daily to maintain my Jewish identity.
Therefore, making a concerted effort to be involved in our temple and Jewish community is a top priority. Being with a community of Jews allows my family to share a spiritual connection that nurtures the soul. Our Jewish community provides our children with an enriching Jewish education and prepares them for their role as Jewish adults in the future (Thanks, Chuck!).
My Jewish community allows me to interact with people who share the same interests and values. My synagogue is truly a lifeline, saving me (and my children) from isolation and assimilation.
Through my own personal struggles to preserve my faith, I can understand Abraham’s criteria for determining a suitable way to carry on the traditions of Judaism. It seems that the Torah also emphasizes these criteria... because Abraham’s specific instructions to his servant are the last words we ever hear our patriarch speak.
I can relate to your experience, Natalie. Joe converted before we married, but there are inherent difficulties in creating a Jewish life when one spouse is still learning the ways of Judaism. Then again, there are benefits. Joe brought a fresh perspective to what he learned, coming from a position outside the culture, and that informed my understanding too. Also, some things we--who are married to convert--think specifically relate to our mates' lack of Jewish upbringing, may not be all that related. For example, I used to feel badly that Joe didn't sing Shabbat and holiday songs with me around the dinner table. Then I found out that Jewish women complain about their Jewish-by-birth husbands, who also do not sing! Who knew!
ReplyDelete