Va-Yera--How We See God

In the parsha of Va-Yera, G-D’s personality is so multidimensional, it almost gives a person whiplash. G-D is vengeful (in the destruction of Sodom), compassionate (in the giving of a son to Abraham), merciful (in the salvation of Hagar and Ishmael) and of course demanding (in the command to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Moriah). Which brings me to the portion of Va-Yera that I have long struggled with. The age old question of why Abraham seems so willing, without question, to bind and sacrifice his beloved son?

The Torah goes to great lengths to depict Abraham pleading and bargaining with G-D to spare the wicked city of Sodom. A city filled with sinful strangers (with the exception of Abraham’s nephew, Lot and his kin) who are so perverse that they greet strangers by trying to rape them. Why does Abraham feel compelled to bargain with G-D SIX times on behalf of these sinful strangers, but never once beg or plead for Isaac’s life? Why doesn’t Abraham refuse or even question the request to bind and sacrifice his own son?

The only answer I can come up with is to imagine what Abraham has experienced firsthand with his new G-D. Just reading the Torah, I can barely keep up with G-D’s mood swings. Imagine experiencing them. Abraham witnessed firsthand the complete decimation of Sodom (Gen. 27-28). I totally freaked out when I saw footage of the Japanese earthquake/tsunami on TV this past March. An act of nature that didn’t even include sulfurous fire raining down from heaven.

Next, Abraham was the recipient of a miracle and blessing late in life….he fathered a baby boy at the sprightly age of 100, just as an angel had predicted. This new G-D has some mad skillz. To Abraham, it looks like G-D’s promise of a great nation is on the way to being filled. Shortly after Isaac is weaned, G-D tells Abraham to cast out Hagar and Ishmael. Abraham is distressed, but does what G-D says and ultimately that turns out OK, too. Wow…G-D’s 3 for 3 so far!

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And then G-D commands Abraham to bind and sacrifice Isaac. I wonder if Abraham did the Scooby-Do (Ruh-Ro!)? Imagine how fearful you would be to disobey, to argue, to even question at this point. This new G-D can rain down molten fire if you anger him. But he can also bless you if you obey him. Molten Fire….Blessings….Molten Fire….Blessings. I’m gonna go with “Obey for Blessings”.

Maybe Abraham instinctively knew this was a test of his devotion. Maybe he was scared out of his mind (but not beyond belief). Whatever his motivation, he passes the test, Isaac is spared and they all live happily ever after. Or do they….in the Torah we never hear Isaac speak to Abraham again.

Va-Yera -- God and the understudy god

I believe in God. The God who is the creative force of the universe. I see God as an impersonal watchmaker. God set the universe in motion, then stepped back and is not intimately involved in our personal lives. My God does not bargain over human lives, destroy cities for their wickedness, turn people into salt, or ask a man to kill his son.

This parshah (and much of the Torah) presents what I’d like to call an imposter god or an understudy god. Perhaps the true God was busy while much of the Torah was being written, and so the understudy god took his place (or more accurately and with less tongue-in-cheek, perhaps the Torah writers were either writing for a less sophisticated audience and/or writing from a less sophisticated perspective). This understudy god reminds me of a character in a play about the troubles of some quintessentially-typical-yet-unique Midwestern family. We meet the family in Act I, headed by Abraham, but beset by many troubles, as they invite some passing motorists to stop over at the farm for lunch. The quiet, calm start of our story only serves to heighten the tensions soon to come.

Cue the entrance of the understudy god, in the form of a troublesome uncle who appears out of nowhere early in Act I, and ends up causing all kinds of problems, as escalating conflicts are precipitated by the understudy god, including arguing with Abraham about saving lives and threatening to annihilate a city.

At the end of Act II of the three-act family drama-in-my-mind, Isaac is born. Abraham is beside himself with joy and disbelief. This crazy uncle seems to have strange and magical powers to bring both good and evil. More than anything, hidden deep in Abraham, is a dimly-grasped sense that his life is completely out of his control. Bad things happen for no reason. Then good things happen for no reason. The crazy uncle seems to suggest that he himself is the cause of all these events. Abraham ends Act II holding his son, watching the sunset, thinking to himself. He seems a little happy, and a little crazy.

In our final act, Abraham has what we call a “nervous breakdown.” He either takes his son up a mountain to kill him, or dreams he does, or struggles with a strong urge to do so. It does not matter which we choose, the feelings are the same. He seeks help….

Abraham: I could not have a son. Then suddenly I could. And Ishmael was here, and then he was gone. And the city of Sodom was in danger, then it was not.

Therapist: All out of control?

Abraham: Yes! All out of my control. I love Ishmael, and now he is gone. I tried to talk to Sarah. I started to try, but when I looked in her eyes, I knew I could say nothing.

Therapist: Isaac is here, though.

Abraham: But I am afraid I will lose him. Just like I lost Ishmael. Somehow, some way, Isaac will not grow up. It is too impossible that he is even here. It is like a dream, a miracle that cannot be.

Therapist: So you tried to kill him.

Abraham: … and then it will be true. He cannot possibly exist.

Therapist: And if you kill him…?

Abraham: It is as if he never was. I can pretend it never happened.

Therapist: And it will be in your control.

And Abraham has an epiphany. He knows why he did not kill his son.

The world is messy. No matter how much we try to grab it by the throat and make it do our will, life wiggles away. I think that the author(s) of this parshah wanted to give their audience some concrete way to deal with this wiggliness. They created an understudy god, who seems to control all. Who bargains over human lives, destroys cities, turns people into salt and asks a man to kill his son.

When the parshah started, Abraham believed that the understudy god was the true God. At the moment when the knife is poised over his son, Abraham remembers all his struggles. He truly understands that life is hard, and that sometimes horrible things happen for no apparent reason. In that moment of staying his knife, Abraham stops blaming the understudy god and truly finds God.

Parshat Lech L’cha: Autobiographical longing

I can relate to Sarah.

For many years I had surgery after surgery to try to keep the possibility of one day becoming a mother a reality instead of just a dream.

In the end, after five surgeries, we were able to conceive a child. The pregnancy was fraught with complications and our son was born prematurely due to my becoming so sick, we had no choice but to end the pregnancy to save my life. Our son was born just shy of 29 weeks, and weighed just a hair over 3 pounds.

So, I sympathize and empathize with Sarah.

I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for Sarah to make the choice to have her slave lie with her husband and conceive a child. No wonder Sarah is filled with anger and jealousy when Ishmael is born.

Today, this contorted relationship would be unthinkable. (Just think of our reaction to the former governor of California’s relationship with his maid… and many different layer’s of “Ick” immediately spring to mind!)

I think Sarah was a remarkable woman. She wanted her husband to have a child and fearing that she would never be able to provide this for him, she makes arrangements so that her husband’s lineage will continue. I think it must have seemed like a sacrifice she could make without any jealousy… until that baby came. That beautiful, small, precious boy. I’m sure every time baby Ishmael cried, Sarah’s arms hurt. How could she not feel angry? How could she not feel unlovable and dead inside when her own slave could do something that she could not?

How easy it must have been for her to start hating her slave — the mother of her husband’s son. I don’t condone her actions when Sarah resorts to beating Hagar so often that the slave runs away. I can understand Sarah’s feelings of rage. When your body refuses to do something that, seemingly, everyone else’s can, it is easy to spiral into depression and into self-loathing. Sarah must have slowly, but surely, over the years and years of her marriage, felt that she would always be denied a basic right: the right to become a mother.

Back in her day, adoption did not exist. Hagar’s child, can never belong to Sarah. She knows this. So, I have a special spot in my heart for Sarah. Especially in our society, it is easy to feel less than human when one is different. For a woman who cannot conceive, every baby she sees is a reminder of what she cannot have; what her body cannot produce. It is a deep, sharp pain. I know. I’ve felt it.

Parshah Noach: Do Not Be Afraid, You Are Not Alone

I hope you won’t mind if I revisit part of the speech I wrote for our son on his becoming a Bar Mitzvah. I had been struggling on how to put into words the love we have for our son, and how proud we were and how proud we have always been of him. Our family has had a difficult time this past year, and yet, our family is close and we have become even closer as we have lived through these hardships. In the end, it’s not about what you have, it’s how you live your life, and how you take care of the people you love that matters the most.

I think Noah had every right to question authority, and yet, instead of arguing over the task at hand, Noah listened to G-d, followed G-d’s instructions and in doing so, he saved the world as he knew it: his family, and all the animals in the world. Noah trusted in G-d. I think Noah was able to trust in G-d because Noah realized that he and his family would not be alone on that Ark. They would be watched over by G-d.

This is part of what I wrote to our son:

It’s all right to be afraid because you are not alone. I can only imagine how frightened Noah and his family must have been when the rain started to fall. I can’t begin to comprehend how it must have been inside that Ark for 40 days and 40 nights of endless rain. Think for a moment about the constant movement of the Ark on the stormy turbulent water, the noise of the animals, the smell of those animals, not to mention the fear and loneliness knowing that all life outside that Ark was gone. What could have possibly sustained Noah and his family during that terrifying ordeal?

Two things: Family and Faith.

Were they afraid? You can count on it. Did they question whether or not they would ever see dry land again? You bet. Did they argue and complain and get tired of taking care of so many animals? You know they did! So what did they do? Well, they had two things that they could rely on: They had each other and they had faith that G-d would comfort them and sustain them and guide them to safety.

I know on many levels, this Parshah seems more like a fairy tale than a Biblical passage, yet I believe it is a story that still resonates today. No matter where we live, no matter what the weather is, every Friday, we light candles and pray and observe Shabbas. As Jews, we find comfort in our community, in our rituals (both the sacred — our Shabbat Candles and prayers — and the not-so-sacred — bagels & lox or honey cake) and in our Torah

Lekh L'kha- Where is it?

"I will make of you a great nation,

And I will bless you;

I will make your name great,

And you shall be a blessing.

I will bless those who bless you

And curse him that curses you;

And all the families of the earth

Shall bless themselves by you."

So, here's my question where is the "cursing", where is our great nation? I have come in contact with anti-semitism, and the only kid I saw get "cursed" was one.

It is my opinion that God does not believe that we must see the "cursing" going on. We should be able to keep our faith, and love for Judaism, without seeing every person get struck down. We should have faith in the idea that when a wrong is done there is always a consequence, whether we see it or not. Then we may better react to these people when it happens, so we can stay calm, and keep a small problem from escelating.

It is like my mom said two weeks ago, we feel to much that we must see it to believe it. I chanlenge everyone, just one time, to stay calm in a hard situation, with the knowledge that a consequence will be dealt.

And now my other question, where is our great nation? When I first read this I thought that Israel had never fought a war that they themselves started with no alternative, so we were climbing up the ladder slowly, but justly. I was wrong. However it gave me a chance to look at this in a "nu" light.

I am very much so paraprasing this, however in Sunday school we learned of a nation of people (Babolynians mabye) who basically were taking over many cultures, but the Israelites were able to stay together due to their stories. We may not be great in numbers but we are great in faith.

When I was born, mom was a pentecostal christian. She later did what she refers to as "studying her way out." She was staunchly without religion for a long time after that, but she got worried that if we grew up without religious values we would get pulled into a colt as she (believes) the church she was in was. Knowing her grandmother was jewish, she put her toes in the water and gave it a shot in 5768 (2007). She has been jewish since and loves to learn it and study it more. She says when she first went to synagouge, someones disagreed with the Rabbi, and he aknoledged her point as a possibility. At the church however if you disagreed with the Pastor you were treated as a sinner.

Mom, Tanner, and I, although not as observent as some, all love judaism, as I hope you do.
We are a great nation of faith. Numbers don't matter.

LEKH L’KHA—What’s up with Sarai?

The parsha of Lekh L’kha is one of the richest in our Torah. There is so much to comment on (brit milah, G-D’s promise of offspring, the promise of a national territory), but one section of the parsha kept tugging at me….that of Sarai and her questionable moral character.

When Abram was about to enter Egypt, he “begins to fear that Sarai’s beauty will lead to his murder and her abduction “ (Etz Hayim, Torah and Commentary). He implores Sarai to lie and say she is Abram’s sister so that it will “go well with me because of you and that I may remain alive…” Sarai agrees and is taken into Pharaoh’s palace as his wife (Gen. 12:15-12:19). In other words, she has sexual relations with him even though she is married to Abram. I can understand Sarai’s desire to help keep her husband alive, but in the Torah she does not question Abram’s request and certainly does not protest. Perhaps the narrator chose to leave this important scene out of the parsha, but it allows one to think Sarai is either very naive or weak and perhaps even morally corrupt.

Later, Sarai gives her Egyptian maidservant, Hagar, to Abram so he can father a child. When Hagar becomes pregnant, tensions arise between the matriarch and her servant. Sarai treats Hagar so “harshly” that Hagar runs away from her. One is lead to believe that Sarai subjects the pregnant Hagar to either psychological abuse or physical abuse, or maybe even both.

It is hard to reconcile these images of a morally corrupt, abusive Sarai with the image of Sarah that we want our daughters to grow up and emulate. But maybe that’s the point…. at this section in the parsha, Sarai, a woman of flawed character, has not yet entered into a covenant with G-D. She is not yet Sarah. Perhaps the Torah is teaching us that even though we are flawed, we can still find G-D and become good people, although not perfect. We have the opportunity through Teshuvah, Tefillah and Tzedakah to redeem ourselves. And by doing so, hopefully we will become a better version of ourselves, like Sarah.

Lech L'cha -- Unwritten

Reading the opening sentence of this parshah give me the same feeling as the song "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. I will just let her speak for me this week. Abraham's courage is a constant source of inspiration to me, to find new ways to challenge myself and seek growth.

I am unwritten
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined

I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten.

Noah--A Hollywood Hit?

The parsha of Noah, for many of us, was our first introduction to the Torah. A whimsical story about an old man who obeys G-D and builds an ark to save himself, his family and two of every animal from a great flood. Cartoon illustrations of cute animals on a big boat, doves with olive branches in their beaks and arching rainbows lured us in and held our attention while we were taught simple biblical lessons.

Only as a young adult studying the Torah did I realize the parsha of Noah had all the dramatic elements necessary to make a successful Hollywood blockbuster: There’s a vengeful antagonist, a reluctant hero, action, drama, nudity, alcoholism and finally, a resolution of conflict.

But looking deeper, there is a symbolic meaning in the parsha of Noah that speaks to me. As noted in Etz Hayim: Torah and Commentary, after reading Noah “the Hebrew word translated as ‘ark’ (tevah) appears in the Torah again only in connection with the rescue of baby Moses (Exod. 2:3-5). It refers to a boxlike vessel made to float on water. It has no rudder, sail, navigational device or crew.”

Say what!?! Is this the type of primitive Ark Noah built to ensure the survival of his family (and in turn all of humanity) in addition to the entire animal kingdom? A vessel with absolutely ZERO navigational capability? No way to control the direction you’re going or the speed you travel? Talk about having complete faith in G-D!

Perhaps there’s a valuable lesson to be learned from Noah. Maybe we should trust more in G-D and her/his infinite wisdom and plan for us. Not just during a natural catastrophe, but during the more mundane aspects of our lives. Do we really need to micro-manage every minute of our day? Maybe we should take a step back from our overly-scheduled, overly-planned lives and take brief moments to reflect on the teachings of the Torah and how they can enrich our lives. In other words, hand the reins over to G-D every now and then. It worked for Noah. And who knows….at the very least, maybe your life will turn out to make a great Hollywood script!